SHOT BY MICHAELA TORNARITIS
Top, Bag & Shoes: ASOS*, Trousers: Vintage Sunglasses: Ray Ban Sunglasses, Jewellery: ASOS, ALDO, Whistles
In light of a conversation I had with a wise old man in Copenhagen (no really, he was a wise old man; self-sufficient, well travelled and had tanned wrinkly skin that resembled faux croc leather and screamed expat), I shimmied over to my YouTube channel to film a video about our collective tendency to appear as if we are all undeniably exhausted from days so productive, they are only digitally comprehensible via emoji: 💯,💪, 💨. A considerable portion of the video was edited out due to fear of coming across unnecessarily cynical about the emotional investment, individuals may (and likely do) have in our beings and/or our work. In this portion I was getting over-emotional and saying x10 over: STOP IT CAUSE NO-ONE CARES. I’d like to expand in a more articulate way, if you’d so allow me. PSA: This is the only time in which assuming [virtual] consent is acceptable.
I mean ‘no-one cares’ in the least depressing way possible. Realising that ‘no-one cares’ requires you to realise that you as an individual, are pretty insignificant. F.Y.I we’re all adults here and can deal with contradiction, so you are still significant, important, meaningful, and made of unicorn fairy dust, simply in virtue of the fact that you exist and show up in the world. However, all things being equal, us humans are so self-centred that we are more so thinking about ourselves, than we are anyone else – hence the insignificance. Who actually cares that much? Like, genuine question.
I mean ‘no-one cares’ in the most liberating way possible too. Anxiety about what people think about you, presumes that people are actually thinking about you. And they may be, but not for any extended period of time. Let’s say it’s a maximum of 3 seconds before their thumb swipes down, and the scroll-mechanism that dictates their thoughts decides it’s time to think about Kylie Jenner’s relationship status. Betsey thinks “Shope’s new video’s are the cringiest thing I’ve ever seen, please just get off the internet” but then,…3….2…and…. “mmmmm Kylie Jenner”. Betsey tried to care, but she couldn’t even carry through.
There will be a few, that for whatever reason are terribly invested in the life choices of others, and so may spend an egregious 3.5 seconds criticising you. But before you sense them, and re-think your decision to take any relatively unconventional step in your life, just think for a second. I always make sure to think for a second. I think about how little that person may know themselves, if so much of their thoughts and energy are invested into the choices of other people. I think about the less than favourable (to put it lightly) social environment they must find themselves in for such judgement to be tolerated, or even encouraged. I think about the fact that if they are an individual who is always judging the choices of other people, than they will damn well find it difficult to take any steps in their lives without fearing the perception of others. And when I call all of these mind, 80% of my anxieties are eased.
I mean ‘no-one cares’ in a way that requires me to come down from the large golden pedestal that is intimately hidden in a surreptitious part of my subconscious that suggests that I am someone to be cared about.* Who am I to be sweating about whether someone cares if I make YouTube video’s talking about my day to day thoughts? Am I Obama? Do I really have such an inflated opinion of myself that I think that everyone is watching and having an emotional reaction to my every move? I guess people watch and react to my YouTube video’s, but to operate from a point that assumes everyone cares about me, and is thinking about me, and talking about me, is self important. And kind of conceited. In a unintentional, unfortunate, remove-all-negative-connotations-from-the-word-conceited type of way.
So, to be brief, NO-ONE CARES. Love always!
*It’s a given that family, friends care about you. I’m more so referring to blue eggs on twitter.
My thoughts seem somewhat trivial and staggeringly frivolous in light of all that’s going on in the world right now. My heart is so heavy. Despite widespread ignorance and disregard for black lives being nothing new, the enormity of it all is only now registering in my mind (something I’m not particularly proud of – a number of my own privileges have granted me the illusion of peace). It is overt in some cases (rest in peace and power to all), but excruciatingly covert and implicit in many cases, so deeply entrenched, that many fail to appreciate that it is something that need be acknowledged. If you struggle to appreciate there are racial tensions that need be addressed, I kindly suggest that you be open, empathetic and loving in trying to understand the black experience. I will support, donate and educate myself, (and where I can, others) in a humble attempt to further support the wellbeing and the life of black individuals. Part of that is continuing to build myself as an individual, and expressing my creative self freely without restriction. To continue to show up unapologetically, is a small but commendable contribution. I encourage all to do the same. Hence continued posting. Love always, to all of my readers, and #blacklivesmatter – this does not negate the fact that all lives do matter, as yes I believe that they absolutely do. I believe all humans matter. I really do. However we must be specific with the # as if this were truly practically the case, if this were genuinely reflected in human experience, if everyone honoured this in their life choices, and the way they navigated throughout the world, we wouldn’t have a disproportionate amount of #’s commemorating the deaths of black men and women.